No more lifeguards. No more fat, West Virginia hill-billy women tanning on the beach in their polyester stretch pants. Not even The Underwear Guy was at the beach, yesterday - it's too cold for them all.
It was time to take back Our Waves. And a fine job Cleveland surfers did, from lake legends like The Rod (trademarked), to newbee's like Matt with the blue board, who also came very close to saving The Sewer Pipe's photographer's life yesterday - Thanks!
Intentional Media Whoring.
Unintentional Media Whoring. (anyone got the link to the video? It was Fox 8)
Turnin' Tom really shreds.
He shreds so much that he makes that Stevie guy look like a butter knife.
Surfers sometimes get "air." String monkeys, like unicorns, butterflies, and other magical creatures can actually fly!
Pay very close attention to this man. He's about do something extraordinary.
In fact, if Turnin' Tom had been around when we held that contest for Cleveland's New Star Surfer. . .
Mushballs or not, a wave is a wave, is a wave.
Ron just got his first ride! Do you remember your first ride? I remember mine. Do you think I'd be hanging around the beach photographing you retards all the time if I didn't?
And now, The Sewer Pipe proudly presents, the classic, soft, sweet, intimate wave-riding stylings of Steve The Warrior.
Happy people with paddles.
Don't get in the G-Man's way. He'll cut you!
This guy is so bad ass. Don't you think he's bad ass?
Take away his strings and what do you have? Surprise! He is a surfer!
And now for something completely different...
The Rod (trademarked) says, "Dude... Can I like borrow that air pump? One of my tires are a little low."
Cover Photo: (click it to see bigger)
Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of shore
And danced on Erie's poop-browned waves;
Canada-ward I've paddled, and joined the tumbling pee-water
Of condom and tampon infested mushballs, — and done five or six things
No one with any sense would do— stinkbugged and pearled and snaked
Far off in the sunlit silence. Floating there,
I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager board through bacteria filled walls of foam. . . .
Down, down the long, walls of dark brown
I've stuck my head in waves
Where never cod, or ever walleye swam —
And with a retarded mind I've ridden
The low little meager waves
Put out my hand, and touched a big brown turd.
-By J.A. Yanak (with apologies to John Gillespie Magee, Jr.)
About time, Tom finally got his moment Yah
ReplyDeleteDude Mikey and Joel are starting look like one another. They could be brothers from another mother.
ReplyDeleteThat first pic of Mikey is intense. That about sums up lake conditions. Peaks everywhere. Minny Alps! No channel, no take off spot. Here and there. Everywhere. He could be 5 miles out for all we know. Classic!
ReplyDeleteWhy do string monkeys have to wear shorts over their suits? Have they no balls or willingness to show their camel toes?
ReplyDeleteIn time all String monkeys are castrated by way of their own strings
ReplyDeletei didn't know gaddafi was a string monkey! of course he is a media whore!
ReplyDeleteTrue story- What The rod actually said over at monkey island was: "Hey! What's with all of the tents? I didn't know they allowed camping on the beach! Do they let you have a fire?"
ReplyDeleteMonkey Island... LOL!
ReplyDeleteThe Rod's wax job is rad!
ReplyDelete