Thursday, July 25, 2013

We'll Always Have Winter

It's been a trying couple of years to be a Cleveland Surfer. Historically low lake water levels thanks to the Army Corpse Of Imagineers, combined with the effects of Climate Change, which seem to have robbed us of our precious North East winds, have spelled a dearth of waves for us crazy Clevelanders who would rather surf our polluted chuckhole than bowl, or golf, or whatever the hell the rest of this lame town does for entertainment.

And like everything else that does, or ever has had to do with Cleveland, surfing to is going to get worse before it gets better.

It wasn't bad enough that a draft bill is presently being pushed through the House Of Representatives to cut by 80% the budget of The Great Lakes Restoration Initiative, which would have improved the quality of our foaming-green water, and also helps fund the Northeast Ohio Regional Sewer District's ongoing attempt to reroute and stop the overflow of raw sewage into the lake.

But we can get over that. Afterall, we pretty much expect politicians to inrease, not decrease the amount of shit we're subjected to, right?

But The Sewer Pipe has something even worse for you to consider. Let me introduce you to the new owner's plans for our beloved Edgewater Beach.

http://www.clevelandmetroparks.com/Resource.ashx?sn=Edgewater-Park-Business-Plan-2012-11-13

Keeping with their traditional Midwest preoccupation with "sports" that anyone can do, like golfing, horseback riding, badminton, and bird watching, the Cleveland Metroparks have decided to bring their unimaginative, keep the masses safe and happy approach to outdoor recreation to the waters of Lake Erie.

No, you didn't read that wrong. The Metroparks plans to install pay-parking booths and gates, a boat ramp, and a "Water Skill Rental Park" at Edgewater Beach. Of course, "water skill" is a euphemism for things people who have absolutely no "water skills," can use to plow around The Cove like Canada Geese. Think canoes, kayaks, SUP's, and probably even those cute little bright colored plastic pedal-boats. Sedentary suburbanites just love pedal-boats.

"But no surf boards, kids. Surf boards are dangerous. Well, maybe some of those big foam ones, but only for use within the "designated swimming" area, when there are no waves and we allow you in the water."

Is there money in this budget or business plan to fund some actual "Open Water" training of the Metropark's lifeguards? No. Has money been set-aside to put up some proper signage explaining the danger of, and how to avoid and survive a rip-current? Of course not. Because the people whom the Metroparks are remodelling Edgewater for, the great mass of unwashed taxpayers looking to have a picnic by the lake on a sunny Summer afternoon will never be exposed to such dangers. Because nobody will be allowed in the water should they occur.

Yes, nobody. Including you with your surf board. Oh, you haven't been thrown out of the water when there were waves, yet, even though there were no swimmers in the water? Just wait, you will be.

And if we haven't blown your mind, yet, try this one on for size:
These are all good things for the City Of Cleveland. Yes, they are absolutely terrible things for Cleveland Surfers, but for your average tax-paying citizen, this is probably one of the best things that ever happened on the Cleveland lakefront.

Let's face it, we can't blame the Metroparks. We can make fun of what the average Clevelander considers waterborne recreational activities, and we certainly will, but to be fair, the Metroparks exists to serve the majority, not us small handfull of sad, deluded souls that believe you can actually surf in Cleveland, Ohio. And the majority has spoken. They've said what they want, and the Metroparks is just doing its job by giving it to them.

It's no ones fault they have never felt the rush of popping-up and riding a waist-high wave from the rocks to the sand on a warm Summer evening, as the sun is setting behind you, and the lights of the city are twinkling in the twilight before you.

Finally, Northeast Ohioan's will be able to come down to the lakeshore and feel safe and secure, without being subjected to piles of rubbish on the beach, and sexual perverts behind every bush, and bums sunning themselves in their underwear on top of the picnic benches. In the future, with the Metropark's plans for possibly holding concerts and events at Edgewater, and maybe even allowing a restaurant to lease a location there, Edgewater Park might just become one of the nicest things we have in Cleveland, even without us, its surfers.

The Sewer Pipe was down there just yesterday, and we have to admit that the place is starting to look freeking great. They really are pouring the money into it. The trash is gone. The beach is groomed. No bums, no perverts. And more people running around fixing shit up and making it look nice than we have ever seen in the last ten years.

By the time they are done with it, Edgewater Park is going to be an absolute jewel. Something Cleveland can finally be proud of.

And with more people coming down to the lakefront and discovering all the beauty we all ready know, and learning that Lake Erie is good for something besides just flushing their toilets into, we can in the future perhaps be able to count on them as allies to help us finally clean-up the rest of our beloved cesspool.

No, it is no fun to have to surrender our Summer Edgewater waves. Even though they are not that great, there was just something about being able to enjoy knee-high peelers on your lunch hour, without having to put on a wetsuit. Though that is gone now, we'll still have Spring, Fall, And Winter.

We'll always have Winter.

We hope.

8 comments:

  1. If the forecast held I was planning on bringing my longboard and SUP up to edgewater on Wednesday. Will they kick me out of the water? I was pretty excited to finally give it a shot.

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  2. If they are there, then they probably will. Avon might be a better choice if so.

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  3. I was looking for a replacement part for the plumbing in my kitchen but could never find it, So I hired plumbing hamilton and they got the part and came over and fixed it

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  4. I think it's funny someone finds this blog spam-worthy.

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  5. The work of watermain and plumbering should be on top-priority and water leakage problem must be removed in all.

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  6. NAZIBASTARD MAFIA HK$ LAUNDERER MICHAEL CHINNICK MANDARIN CAPITAL (EX OF HITLERIAN MORGAN STANLEY) TOGETHER AT VERMINOUS CRIMINAL AND KNOWN PAEDERAST DANIEL HEGGLIN (EX MORGAN STANLEY) DOES ANY SORT OF FINANCIAL FELONY! CROOK, BRIBED, THIEF, LIAR &..

    1
    I READ THIS FOLLOWING TEXT TELLING ABSOLUTE TRUTHS!!!
    HI, I'M ALFREDO PIACENTINI EX BANQUE SYZ GENEVE AND I CERTAINLY KNOW EVERYTHING BOUT ... "THE EXTREMELY DIRTY PART OF THE WORLD OF FINANCE AND BANKING".. SO... I NOW FEEL A DEEP DEEP, DEEP PASSION TO LET THE WHOLE WORLD KNOW BOUT ALL THIS!
    BASTARD DREADFUL CRIMINAL DANIEL HEGGLIN EX MORGAN STANLEY SHOULD NOT TERRORIZE GOOGLE AS DEPRAVED SEX MANIAC MAX MOSLEY WANTS TO DO TOO! HE'S REALLY A PAEDERAST, A NAZIMAFIOSO TERRORIST, A PRINCIPAL OF MURDERS, A BRIBED WORM, A STINKY MARKET ABUSER!
    THIS TEXT THAT HERE WILL FOLLOWS IS FANTASTIC AND TELLS US "UNTOUCHABLES" TRUTHFULNESSES ( "UNTOUCHABLES" FOR NAZIMAFIOSI PIG AND PIIG LIKE DANIEL HEGGLIN EX MORGAN STANLEY, NOT FOR TRULY DEMOCRATIC AND HONEST VALUES, SINCE ALWAYS, MINE))!!! SO I'LL PASS THE MEDIATIC LINE ( AND NOT COCAINE LINE, THAT BASTARD BRUTAL CRIMINAL DANIEL HEGGLIN EX MORGAN STANLEY KNOWS REAL WELL), NOW, TO MASSIMO, WHO IN THIS SCRIPT COMING, IS REALLY THE MAXIMUM OF HONESTY AND SUPER EXTRA DUE!!!

    Hello. I'm an ex colleague of the extremely stinky criminal Daniel "Danny" Hegglin ex Morgan Stanley and today i really would like "to empty the bag". My name is Massimo, i'm not english native, so, i'm not mother language as you will well see. But i'll write in my best possible english ( in more or less just an hour i have at disposal, to do it). I worked for many years in London, with the killing Hooligans of worldwide stock exchanges: Morgan Stanley (http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/122335.Fiasco). Elbow to elbow with this absolute Jack the Ripper of international finance who is this really stinky shameless criminal bastard Daniel "Danny" Hegglin, now working by an immense Mafia Money Launderer Box called 4th dimension in Hong Kong http://hk.linkedin.com/pub/danny-hegglin/61/277/93 ( this very lousy crook of Daniel "Danny" Hegglin changes his name on the net from Dan to Danny to Daniel, continuously: typical of those who have lot of stinky things to hide, typical move of delinquent, typical move of "dark gray"collars, i wd say, more than white ones)! I saw with my eyes, i repeat, i saw with my eyes, this bastard mega corrupted, better to say, corru-p-ig and also corru-piig, Daniel Hegglin ex Morgan Stanley, getting 100.000, 200.000, 300.000 pounds, cash, put in handbgas. Inside various pubs close to his ex offices in Canary Wharf.
    " Nazifascist and pro Mafia Morgan Stanley & Co 25 Cabot Square, Canary Wharf London"
    Cause of immense insider dealings and sometimes even insider tradings he passed to colossal Cosa Nostra's money launderers like Ennio Doris and Massimo Doris from Banca 'Mafiolanum, Camorranum, Ndrangolanum, Nazistanum, Mediolanum' ( not for nothing, bank, "in fact", totally owned by disgusting pedophile and nazimalavitoso dictator Silvio Berlusconi.. and so... bank controlled by Cosa Nostra; choleraic rats Silvio Berlusconi, Marina Berlusconi, Ennio Doris, Massimo Doris and Mafia are same assassin shit since the 60's; since much more than half century; since verminous criminal Berlusconi's father, Luigi Berlusconi, used to wash oceans of killing Cosa Nostra's money in Banca Rasini; 'coincidentally' closed down by American Dea, cause was the bank of the most murderous gangs of half world, and not just sicilian world http://it.wikipedia.org/wiki/Banca_Rasini).

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  7. 2
    Same cash and for same reasons, he used to get from another bastard super delinquent, close to lot of Mafia and NaziRacist international organizations: Paolo Barrai. Having an extremely fascist, mafia money laundering ( via Finter Bank Lugano, via Panama, via Dubai, via Marbella, via bitcoins) and inciting murdering violence blog called Mercato 'Merdato' Libero (bastard criminal excrement Paolo Barrai having already been condemned to big fines or jail, many times; by Consob; by Court in Milan; it looks like, also by Court in Biella; and incredibly by Court in Porto Seguro, Brazil; where they want him now for many years in prison.. for this reason, Hitlerian "jailbird" Paolo Barrai sometimes write of Brazil.. but never put a feet in Brazil anymore).

    Again and again and again: Same cash and for same reasons, he used to get from another well known corruptor, stinking Al Capone of Italian Bourse: Attilio Ventura, not for nothing, now in 'Mafiaset Hitlerset Mediaset' board http://www.mediaset.it/investor/governance/organi/scheda_9_it.shtml. And used to get other very criminal money from corruptor Francesco Perilli now heading Equita Sim Milan. And from 100s and 100s of other brokers all over Europe. Basically, if "Mussolinian Hooligans" from Morgan Stanley (like another bastard criminal: Michael Chinnick, now laundering lot of mafia assassin cash by Mandarin Capital Hong Kong: https://www.mdncapital.com/about-us) had to buy, for example, lot of Fiat, in Milan, "Jack the Ripper", loathsome worm Daniel Hegglin ex Morgan Stanley used to call "with his private mobile phone another private mobile phone" ( to circumvent the recording of calls, obviously). Belonging to one of noisome maggots above mentioned. And used to say

    'Ehy you my big Mafia Banker Ennio Doris.... you know, when you come next week to London.. can you take me that Armani's tie i love so much with code n3124'?
    Obviously, the translation of this sort of "full of swastika" secret language given in the pub was 'n' = buy, '3124' = Fiat ( "Jack the ripper', extremely rotten felon Daniel Hegglin 4th Dimension Hong Kong used to give to all his corrupting larvas s a list with all the european stocks, with close to any of them, a number: 3124, obviously was for Fiat). Cholaeric escrement Ennio Doris used to answer on the phone "yes Danny, certainly, thank you, actually, thank you". Then started to buy 1.000.000 Fiat for himself ( from his swiss bank account, in very criminal Arner Bank Lugano: pls google "vado riciclo e torno" that means "i go, i wash lot of killing mafia cash and i'll be back", bout mega mafia money launderings done by Ennio Doris and Massimo Doris from Banca Mediolanum http://espresso.repubblica.it/palazzo/2008/05/15/news/vado-riciclo-e-torno-1.8408). Then, "Hooligan"of Finance ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_Partnoy) Morgan Stanley, used to arrive via "Jack the Ripper" bastard criminal Daniel Hegglin to buy 15.000.000s of Fiat in just one day. And immense gains to be shared 50 50 were made! Is also a bastard racist, part of many worldwide Ku Kluk Klan, repellent nazist Daniel Hegglin. Is also an extremely pervert paederast. He said many times, to me and many people "there is nothing wrong on fucking a boy or a girl who is 12 years old, i do it, i do it, i do it and even often... on the other hand... in the second or third world it happens every day... young female children.. there .. get pregnant at 12.. so i fuck lot of boys and girls, while they are 12... here in London.. or in my native Switzerland.. i pay and i do it".

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  8. 3
    As mentioned, is also a repulsive nazifascist ( he organized the Edward Snowden's hideout in Hong Kong, where he now launders immensely killing Triade Cash out of a very delinquent Box called "4th dimension" http://hk.linkedin.com/pub/danny-hegglin/61/277/931; and used to organize lot and lot of international murders made via various extreme right worldwide public and private intelligence agencies.. google 'daniel hegglin wikileaks' bout it, pls: http://search.wikileaks.org/gifiles/?viewemailid=3541810). In his houses there were ( and still are, cowardly hided, but still are) hundreds of gadgets, books, videos full of love for Adolf Hitler, Benito Mussolini, Augusto Pinochet, Francisco Franco, Alfredo Stroessner. But also very full of passion and love toward many nazifascist mega killing terrorists like The Skinhead International, Afrikaner Weerstandsbeweging, Alan Berg, Combat 18, Nuclei Armati Rivoluzionari, Order of Flemish Militants, Ordine Nuovo, White Order of Thule. This is the bastard extreme criminal Daniel "Danny Hegglin", not for nothing, fired by Morgan Stanley, fired by TT International, fired by Puricore and many other working places. And if Google will put the head down to him, will be the end of internet, will begin an era of bastard killing nazism all over the world, "ops, what a coincidence", what very fascist Vladimir Putin, Morgan Stanley, Jp Morgan ( who used to finance who killed 6 millions people: Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini... never forget, please), as well as Afrikaner Weerstandsbeweging, Alan Berg, Combat 18, Nuclei Armati Rivoluzionari, Order of Flemish Militants, Ordine Nuovo, White Order of Thule exactly want! Massimo. For many years Morgan Stanley London. What i wrote is what i saw and with my own eyes. For many many many years! ModerNazifascist part of Cia, on order of ModerNazifascist and Pro Mafia: James Gorman and Eric Grossman from Morgan Stanley New York, will kill me now??? Better to die as a martyr, meant as a real man ( not certainly meant as other terrorists, like the islamic ones, mean). Who call things with the exact their name! So that the good may have more chances to win the evil. Better to die as a martyr, meant as a real man, than being falsely alive as a passive, amorphous, scared man made diarrea. Massimo a death man walking, now, BUT A REAL (death) MAN (walking).

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