We'll Always Have Winter

It's been a trying couple of years to be a Cleveland Surfer. Historically low lake water levels thanks to the Army Corpse Of Imagineers, combined with the effects of Climate Change, which seem to have robbed us of our precious North East winds, have spelled a dearth of waves for us crazy Clevelanders who would rather surf our polluted chuckhole than bowl, or golf, or whatever the hell the rest of this lame town does for entertainment.

And like everything else that does, or ever has had to do with Cleveland, surfing to is going to get worse before it gets better.

It wasn't bad enough that a draft bill is presently being pushed through the House Of Representatives to cut by 80% the budget of The Great Lakes Restoration Initiative, which would have improved the quality of our foaming-green water, and also helps fund the Northeast Ohio Regional Sewer District's ongoing attempt to reroute and stop the overflow of raw sewage into the lake.

But we can get over that. Afterall, we pretty much expect politicians to inrease, not decrease the amount of shit we're subjected to, right?

But The Sewer Pipe has something even worse for you to consider. Let me introduce you to the new owner's plans for our beloved Edgewater Beach.

http://www.clevelandmetroparks.com/Resource.ashx?sn=Edgewater-Park-Business-Plan-2012-11-13

Keeping with their traditional Midwest preoccupation with "sports" that anyone can do, like golfing, horseback riding, badminton, and bird watching, the Cleveland Metroparks have decided to bring their unimaginative, keep the masses safe and happy approach to outdoor recreation to the waters of Lake Erie.

No, you didn't read that wrong. The Metroparks plans to install pay-parking booths and gates, a boat ramp, and a "Water Skill Rental Park" at Edgewater Beach. Of course, "water skill" is a euphemism for things people who have absolutely no "water skills," can use to plow around The Cove like Canada Geese. Think canoes, kayaks, SUP's, and probably even those cute little bright colored plastic pedal-boats. Sedentary suburbanites just love pedal-boats.

"But no surf boards, kids. Surf boards are dangerous. Well, maybe some of those big foam ones, but only for use within the "designated swimming" area, when there are no waves and we allow you in the water."

Is there money in this budget or business plan to fund some actual "Open Water" training of the Metropark's lifeguards? No. Has money been set-aside to put up some proper signage explaining the danger of, and how to avoid and survive a rip-current? Of course not. Because the people whom the Metroparks are remodelling Edgewater for, the great mass of unwashed taxpayers looking to have a picnic by the lake on a sunny Summer afternoon will never be exposed to such dangers. Because nobody will be allowed in the water should they occur.

Yes, nobody. Including you with your surf board. Oh, you haven't been thrown out of the water when there were waves, yet, even though there were no swimmers in the water? Just wait, you will be.

And if we haven't blown your mind, yet, try this one on for size:
These are all good things for the City Of Cleveland. Yes, they are absolutely terrible things for Cleveland Surfers, but for your average tax-paying citizen, this is probably one of the best things that ever happened on the Cleveland lakefront.

Let's face it, we can't blame the Metroparks. We can make fun of what the average Clevelander considers waterborne recreational activities, and we certainly will, but to be fair, the Metroparks exists to serve the majority, not us small handfull of sad, deluded souls that believe you can actually surf in Cleveland, Ohio. And the majority has spoken. They've said what they want, and the Metroparks is just doing its job by giving it to them.

It's no ones fault they have never felt the rush of popping-up and riding a waist-high wave from the rocks to the sand on a warm Summer evening, as the sun is setting behind you, and the lights of the city are twinkling in the twilight before you.

Finally, Northeast Ohioan's will be able to come down to the lakeshore and feel safe and secure, without being subjected to piles of rubbish on the beach, and sexual perverts behind every bush, and bums sunning themselves in their underwear on top of the picnic benches. In the future, with the Metropark's plans for possibly holding concerts and events at Edgewater, and maybe even allowing a restaurant to lease a location there, Edgewater Park might just become one of the nicest things we have in Cleveland, even without us, its surfers.

The Sewer Pipe was down there just yesterday, and we have to admit that the place is starting to look freeking great. They really are pouring the money into it. The trash is gone. The beach is groomed. No bums, no perverts. And more people running around fixing shit up and making it look nice than we have ever seen in the last ten years.

By the time they are done with it, Edgewater Park is going to be an absolute jewel. Something Cleveland can finally be proud of.

And with more people coming down to the lakefront and discovering all the beauty we all ready know, and learning that Lake Erie is good for something besides just flushing their toilets into, we can in the future perhaps be able to count on them as allies to help us finally clean-up the rest of our beloved cesspool.

No, it is no fun to have to surrender our Summer Edgewater waves. Even though they are not that great, there was just something about being able to enjoy knee-high peelers on your lunch hour, without having to put on a wetsuit. Though that is gone now, we'll still have Spring, Fall, And Winter.

We'll always have Winter.

We hope.

Out Like A Lion

Being about it.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled boredom.

Sold Out

Love Your Lake

The Last Day Of The World

Sorry, I didn't feel like standing out in the cold and the wind and the snow and watching you assholes. I was too busy hiding in my basement from the expected alien invaders, zombies, and or rogue asteroids.

But a much braver person than moi, Tom Egelhoff came to the rescue with these fine photos from The Jackalope. Looks just as cold as I thought it would be.

Those Other Guy's Waves

I didn't take the photo above. But I sure wish I did!

It was taken by Mike Killion, who is the other talented photographer who has devoted himself to photographing lake surfing. I've never met Mike in person, but I have admired his work for a while now. It also brings me sadistic pleasure to know that there has been some other poor schmuck like myself freezing his ass off in the snow and rain while making pictures of retards like you who do something as stupid as surf on lakes.

Mike is also the founder, CEO and publisher of Great Lakes Surfer Magazine

Mike presently has an excellent chance of winning Surfing Magazine's Baby Cobras Photo Contest - Which is not only good for him, because it would win him and all-expenses paid trip to Hawaii to surf the Van's Triple Crown, and his take being published in Surfing Magazine, but it is also good for lake surfing, 'cause can you imagine a kid from the Midwest beating out all those photographers from ocean-side locales?

Needless to say, it's a once in a lifetime opportunity for a fellow lake surfer to enter the professional surfing world right up near the top rung.

And you can help! The entries of the top 5 photographers with the most votes move on to the finals in the contest, and their work will then be judged by the Surfing Magazine Staff.

If you are on Facebook, then please help Mike out by going and taking a look at his entry, and by voting for it, here.

Thank you.

Cleveland H Two - O

Sleezy September Wagnerism - The Movie

Ox's Asses

We here at The Sewer Pipe are always interested in encouraging new talent. So when not so famous longboarder, but somewhat infamous SUP'er, Luke The Puke Gibbons, expressed an interest in surf photography, and assured us that he could handle it ("Dude. . . I had like two whole semesters of photography in college!") we said what the hell, and sent him out, camera in hand to cover Saturday's waves.

He asked us, "What kind of pictures should I shoot?"

"Whatever catches your eye," we told him.

This is what he came back with.

We're going to have to have a talk with that boy. . .

Sundowner

Just because the sun is going down, doesn't mean the waves aren't coming up.

Nice try Stevie Wonder, but International Gay Surfers Day isn't until tomorrow.

And as the sun sets over Lake Erie, we say thank-you, you good for nothing shit-filled puddle, for another day of mediocre waves.

Whatcha Talkin' Bout, Willis?

Maybe you're telling yourself you got gyped, because there weren't no waves, Sunday. Whatcha talkin' bout, Willis? 




This fine young, lake surfing gentleman certainly found some. Why he even had a hot Lorain beach bunny cheering him on.




Better luck, tomorrow!

Wow. Waves.

Hurray. . .

Practice Rounds

Don't give up hope, yet.

Yes, you worked all day, and the only thing that kept you going was the anticipation of carving some of those 7 ft. waves that NOAA said would be there when you got off work.

Instead you found, well. . . this.

Think of it as a practice day for the big stuff that's on it's way later this week.

Most of you need the practice.








Cover Photo: Marcos The Magnificent, and The Stackster sharing the joy at Sewer Pipe this afternoon.

Ups & Downs

Was it that good yesterday? Depends on who you talked to, and when they were there.

If you were there and decided it can be described with a certain over-used word that begins with an "E," then you weren't there when The Sewer Pipe was, or when anyone else was either.

It had it's ups and downs, and occasionally it was pretty damn good. But it was pretty damn shitty just as often.

But don't worry. There's more coming.


























Cover Photo: Mikey liked it.

Sad Things

Unrequited love; a dead puppy dog; a lost balloon, out of helium, and drifting on the waves; the republican party.

These are some of the things that make us here at The Sewer Pipe sad. To that list you can add the waves we had this weekend. In an age of doppler radar and weather satellites circling the globe, you'd think NOAA wouldn't be able to get our hopes up anymore, just to smash them against the rocks at Edgewater like Stevie Wonder's broken dreams of joining the pro surfing tour.

But this is Cleveland. We should be used to that by now. So buck-up, enjoy what you had, and remind yourself, there's always going to be a next time.



















"Holy popcorn, Batman! The string monkeys are laying eggs now!"